Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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