He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize