We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
