vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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