Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
