her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
