dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
