Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
