I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
