And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
