Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
