from now on my penis is your penis
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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