I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
