i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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