You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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