I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
