Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
