i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
