I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
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As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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