i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Randomize
