The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
