Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
