dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
