Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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