Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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