Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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