Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
