I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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