just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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