Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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