He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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