She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
