Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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