so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
