It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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