yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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