yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
