i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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