honey bunches of taint.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
