My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
