Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
