Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
