census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
