The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
