i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
