if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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