And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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