I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
