Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
