That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize