Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
