Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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