Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize