Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
