If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have already put on my inside pants.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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